Me- A captive of my identity!
I mean I know I might sound crazy here but isn’t it intriguing the way we lead our lives at times? Floating on the unhappy circumstances, conditioned to a life of security, conformity and conservatism, all of which may appear to give us the so called peace of mind we stay put not willing to take the initiative to change the state. The passion for adventure, the joy of new encounters with new experiences and the elation appreciating an endlessly changing horizon for each day to have a new and different sun all curbed in the quest for a secure future. But who am I to impose my ideologies on the varied opinions of people on how they should live their lives? Who am I to rant out philosophy here?
As I look back at my little life, until a few days back, traversing here was a different story for me. I stayed put maintaining my inclination towards a monotonous security. I still bolt home at the end of each day. I still walk the roads that I walk daily. I still feel, I am trying to lead someone else’s dream.
But there is always a moment when I try to push the boundaries, experiment with the unknown. Do the things that I usually don’t do 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 52 weeks a year. An immense feeling takes over. I walk in the heart of the dense forest, black and ominous, in the fading light. I climb the peaks constantly feeling the abyss pull at my back. I feel the vast silence reigning over the land. I jump into the depths of the sea with only the blue around me. I float on the expanses of air hardly feeling my own weight. Just be in a trance-like state, away from the accumulated clutter of day today existence- the lapses of conscience, the unpaid bills, the bungled opportunities, the dust under the porch, the unforgotten regrets, and the unforgiving mistakes.
Yet in the midst of the laughter, there is a hint of a sinister silence. A silence of the strange dynamic life. A silence reminding the day today will be a story someday, the pictures today will be old photographs someday, people and things today may just be memories someday. Hard to admit, but people might a well forget what its like to be 22 when they turn 23. I might want to laugh or shrug at the strangeness of life. But right now, these moments are not stories. I stand up, see the lights and wonder about everything that makes me wonder.
Every choice I make has its turn to affect and shape my life, my thinking and might even set off a multitude of events that would someday get back to me like a domino. I don’t know what is going to happen when the music stops playing and I am caught unaware. I don’t know what silence would feel like. It could be that my perceptions change. It could be that I realize what I perceive might not be true at all. Nevertheless, to experience this world with its entire people, its wonders and possibilities is definitely an ecstasy.
But there are seven billion other individuals waking up each morning to chase dreams, hopes, relationships or careers. Many are moved by their beliefs and ideas, others by their emotions; some running away from self and society, others running towards the same; yet few understand what they actually want in their pursuit for what they need.